The Unspoken Burden: How Men's Social Isolation Impacts Women

The Isolation of Men: A Growing Concern

Headlines scream about the struggles of men: fewer friendships, less social support, lagging educational attainment, and a stark suicide disparity. While these issues are critical, discussions often overlook a crucial connection: how men's struggles impact the women in their lives.

The Crumbling Social Fabric and Its Impact on Women

Our research explores the strain placed on women due to the deteriorating social connections of men. It brings together evidence of men's difficulty forming supportive networks, women's disproportionate role in maintaining men's social support, and the inequality in emotional labor within relationships.

Over the past century, life in the West has become more isolating, particularly for men, especially in individualistic cultures. Even among younger men, a significant portion report feeling unknown and unable to confide in friends. This isolation is compounded by men's tendency to rely heavily on romantic partners for emotional support, a pattern observed across diverse demographics and age groups.

The Price of Emotional Dependence: Mankeeping

When romantic relationships end, men's social networks often shrink while women's remain largely intact. This highlights a striking imbalance: men's emotional infrastructure frequently rests on foundations maintained by women. This phenomenon, where women invest significant time and energy in maintaining men’s social connections, we call "mankeeping."

The Roots of the Problem: Rigid Masculinity Norms

Cultural expectations of stoicism and hyperindependence contribute to men's struggle to form close bonds. These norms not only affect men's relationships with other men but also influence the dynamics within heterosexual relationships. Women often shoulder the emotional and logistical burden of maintaining family harmony—remembering birthdays, planning events, and checking on everyone's well-being—a phenomenon known as "kinkeeping." Mankeeping is a specific form of this labor, focused on bolstering men's often-fragile social connections.

The Burden of Mankeeping on Women

We suspect that men adhering to rigid masculine norms are most susceptible to this dynamic, and that women frequently perform this invisible labor. Past research offers clues to the toll this takes on women, including reduced time for their own friendships, psychological distress, relationship dissatisfaction, and diminished autonomy.

Moving Forward: Recognizing and Addressing the Imbalance

Future research will explore the prevalence of mankeeping, its impact on women's well-being, and the connection between mutual support and relationship satisfaction. Naming this phenomenon empowers women and enables researchers to study its effects across different communities.

Ultimately, addressing mankeeping requires challenging rigid masculine norms that leave so many men socially isolated. Initiatives fostering emotional vulnerability and mutual support among men offer a path towards healthier relationships for both men and women. The goal isn't to create exclusionary "boys' clubs" but to dismantle harmful patterns that ultimately serve neither gender.